February is by far my least favorite month of the 12.
Everything in Laramie is cold and dead and brown. Its hard not to let that trickle in to my mind. My thoughts. My words. My actions. My parenting. My spousing. (ha, made up word!)
Throw in spending the first half of the month worrying about an upcoming surgery. A testy preschooler. A stir-crazy dog. Loads of unexpected bills. Feeling homesick for family. This has just not been a fun month.
I grew up in this state. I should be used to February. But I think I've been displaced my whole life. I long for a place where the grass is greener. Literally. Or at least less brown.
I long for that warm California sun, where people ride their bikes and sunbathe on Christmas.
The good news is we are in the last week of this forsaken month. Thank you, Jesus!!
Soon it will be March. Even though we have a good few months of snow left. March just feels different. It includes spring break. It leads to April, which leads to puddle jumping and bike riding. The random snowstorms are melting faster. Yesterday I felt warm in the sun. I registered for the BolderBoulder. I went on a photowalk around town. I went for a walk around our favorite pond. I am consistently working out again, which has helped everything. We have been able to go outside for short amounts of time to play.
I guess...with the closing of February. I'm starting to feel a bit more alive. A bit more like myself.
Looking back is always easier. And although I've been in a funk. I realize I have been blinded by so much good. A husband who loves me endlessly, even when I can give little in return. Kids who draw me amazing pictures every day of stick figure families and love notes that say "You're awesome." And they love each other deeply in a way I recognize from my own childhood. A community of friends that are real true friends, that are more like family. Friends and family that step in to love and help when we need it. An amazing school for my boys to go to, with teachers who truly care and invest in them. That scripture still speaks to me. That God loves me, even with all my junk. A warm home with tons of space to run around and get our energy out. Good health insurance and doctors. My parents are just a phone call away and always willing to talk and listen to me anytime. The opportunity to teach my kids about honesty, kindness, and being brave. Boys that want to cuddle every night and ask me to sing despite my terrible singing voice. That I can be with them so often. A husband that works so hard to take such good care of us. Who always comes home with a smile and energy to give for all of us. Good coffee. Good books. Good friends. Good food. Lots of laughter.
...And when I list all that...the list of things that have me worried. The things contributing to what a friend called "The February Funk." Some Big and some small. Well, they all seem small compared to the richness of a life full of things that matter. They will work themselves out and we will be okay.